The Problem With Telling People to Play to Their Strengths

"Just play to your strengths."

Sounds like good advice, doesn't it?

It's something we hear all the time in leadership development, coaching and conversations about high performance.

And as a qualified Gallup Strengths Coach, you'd probably expect me to be a massive advocate of it.

And I am.

Well, sort of.

Because I've got a problem with the way we sometimes talk about strengths.

We tell people to play to their strengths without helping them understand what that actually means.

And sometimes, the very thing someone considers their biggest strength is the thing that's getting in their way.

Let me explain.

Being good at something doesn't mean you're using it well

Imagine you've got a leader who's brilliant at building relationships.

They genuinely care about people. They invest time in getting to know their team. They create trust.

Fantastic.

But what happens when that same leader needs to challenge someone's performance?

Suddenly, that desire to maintain strong relationships becomes a reason to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.

They don't want to upset anyone.

They don't want to damage the relationship.

So they say nothing.

Their strength hasn't disappeared.

But the way they're using it is now getting in the way of what their team needs.

Or take someone who's naturally analytical.

They love information. They ask great questions. They can spot things other people miss.

Brilliant.

Until every decision requires another spreadsheet, another conversation and another three weeks of thinking.

Meanwhile, everyone else is waiting for them to make a bloody decision.

Again, the strength isn't the problem.

It's the lack of awareness about when that strength is helping and when it's holding things back.

Your strengths aren't an excuse

Here's something I challenge people on when I'm coaching.

Sometimes we use our strengths to explain away behaviours that we really should be taking responsibility for.

"I'm just a really direct person."

Right. But that doesn't mean you get to speak to people like shit.

"I'm naturally very detail-focused."

Great. But does that mean everyone else has to wait three weeks while you perfect a spreadsheet that was probably good enough last Tuesday?

"I'm a people person."

Fantastic. But being a people person doesn't mean you can dodge accountability because you're worried someone might not like you afterwards.

Your strengths aren't a free pass to behave like a dick.

Understanding your strengths should help you become more effective.

It shouldn't give you a convenient excuse for the things you need to work on.

And I think that's where strengths-based development sometimes goes wrong.

We become so focused on celebrating what people are naturally good at that we forget to challenge how they're actually using those talents.

I'll use myself as an example

One of my own top strengths is Maximiser.

In simple terms, I love taking something that's already good and making it even better.

It's brilliant when I'm coaching someone, designing a leadership programme or helping a team improve.

I'm constantly thinking about how we can take things up another level.

My wife, however, has a slightly different interpretation of this strength.

Apparently, I'm never bloody happy.

Something can be absolutely fine, working perfectly well, and I'll still be there thinking about how we could make it better.

She'll say, "Why can't you just be happy with it?"

And I'll be thinking, "Because it could be better."

Which, as you can imagine, goes down brilliantly at home.

But that's the thing about strengths.

What I see as constantly striving for improvement might be experienced by someone else as never being satisfied.

And if I'm not careful, that strength can become frustrating for the people around me.

Sometimes good is good enough.

Sometimes something doesn't need another hour of tweaking.

Sometimes the thing I'm trying to improve would be better off being finished and put into practice.

That's the point.

Having a strength doesn't automatically mean you're using it effectively.

It takes awareness.

It takes intention.

And sometimes it takes someone else pointing out that the thing you think you're doing brilliantly isn't quite landing the way you intended.

Which, by the way, is exactly why feedback matters.

High performance isn't about staying comfortable

Another thing that bothers me about the phrase "play to your strengths" is that it can sometimes sound like we're telling people to only do the things that come naturally.

But that's not how high performance works.

Imagine telling an elite athlete they should only practise the parts of their sport they're already brilliant at.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?

Of course they build on what they're good at.

But they also understand what might stop them performing.

They work on weaknesses that matter.

They develop strategies.

They surround themselves with people who bring something different.

And they adapt depending on what's required.

Leadership should be no different.

If you're brilliant at building relationships but struggle to challenge people, you can't simply decide that challenging people isn't one of your strengths.

It's still part of your job.

You might need to approach it differently.

You might need support.

You might need to develop a skill that doesn't come naturally.

But you still need to do it.

Playing to your strengths should never mean avoiding your responsibilities.

Your strengths are a starting point, not a hiding place.

The real value is in understanding your impact

This is the bit I find most interesting about strengths-based coaching.

It's not simply about helping someone discover what their strengths are.

That's the starting point.

The real value comes when someone begins to understand how those strengths show up in their everyday behaviour.

When are they at their best?

What happens when they're under pressure?

How might other people experience their strengths differently?

And when might they need to dial something up or dial something down?

Because a strength that works brilliantly in one situation might be completely unhelpful in another.

Take a leader who's naturally decisive.

In a crisis, that might be exactly what the team needs.

Someone who can cut through the noise, make a decision and get everyone moving.

But in a conversation where the team needs to explore ideas and feel involved?

That same decisiveness might shut people down before they've had a chance to contribute.

The answer isn't to stop being decisive.

It's to understand when decisiveness adds value and when a different approach might get a better result.

That's what I mean by using strengths intentionally.

Stop asking people what their strengths are

Well, don't stop completely.

But I think there's a much better conversation to be had.

Rather than simply asking someone to name their top five strengths, I'd be asking:

"Where does that strength show up at its best?"

Get them thinking about real examples.

"When does it get in your way?"

This is where the self-awareness starts.

"How do other people experience it?"

Because your intention and your impact aren't always the same thing.

And finally:

"What might you need to do differently?"

That's where the development happens.

Not in the report.

Not in the colourful grid.

Not in knowing you've got Relator, Analytical or whatever else in your top five.

It's in what you actually do with that understanding.

Strengths should make you better, not just make you feel better

I love strengths-based development.

I've seen the impact it can have on individuals and teams when it's done properly.

People gain confidence.

They understand themselves better.

They start to appreciate what other people bring.

And they find better ways of working together.

But I don't think our job as coaches or leaders is simply to tell people how brilliant they are.

Sometimes our job is to challenge them.

To help them see something they haven't noticed.

To ask a question that makes them think differently.

Or to point out that the strength they're so proud of might actually be part of the problem.

Because ultimately, strengths-based development should be about improving performance.

Not just making people feel good about themselves.

So the next time you're encouraging someone to play to their strengths, I'd challenge you to go one step further.

Help them understand when those strengths are useful.

When they might be getting in the way.

And what they need to do differently to get the best out of themselves and the people around them.

Because your strengths are a starting point, not a hiding place.

And knowing what you're good at is only useful if you know what to do with it.

Confident leaders. Stronger teams. Real results.